I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
