If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
