Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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