And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
