Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
