I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't deserve a penis
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
