whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
