oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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