you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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