is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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