Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
