fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
