HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
