so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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