he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize