remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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