he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
