Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize