You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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