Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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