I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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