My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My vagina is very pro this idea
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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