My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
