i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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