I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
