I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
