coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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