Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
