just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
