I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His nipple licking is glorious
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