I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I look better un-naked...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
