I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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