youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
