So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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