my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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