I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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