I'll bet she douches with gravy.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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