I puked a lego.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
