she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
