Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
