I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
