Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
