two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
