His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
