operation harelip BJ is a go
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Mom said you looked used
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
