youre lurking in front of me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize