haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
