my shit smells like andre
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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