So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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