Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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