How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize