Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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