Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
