i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
