I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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