Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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