I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
