Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
