I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
