It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
