I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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