i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
