Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
