So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
