Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
