I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
