i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
